Heroes comes back tonight AND we have a new office villain

Tonight at 9, Heroes returns to NBC. This is easily the best show on television. If you haven't watched it, do yourself a favor and tune in tonight.

In that same hero/villain vein, we have a new bad guy at work. For blogging safety, I will call him Lurch.

Lurch started about two weeks ago. He's one of these sales guys that thinks the world of himself and nothing about anyone else. He's sold to the highest level of executives at some of the biggest companies in the world, BUT is still driving a beater of a used car from the late '90s filled with enough trash that it looks like he lives in it. He uses two laptops while at work when he doesn't even have the need for one!

The worst part about Lurch is that he's in my territory. He is emphatic about being brought up to speed about our region, and who has to do that? You guessed it, me!

Lurch also has loudly proclaimed to everyone encased in the sales pods that he reads 60 hours a week (sorry looking at porn, doesn't count Lurch!) and could "filet us like fishes" if we dared to lock horns with him in a politcal debate.

It looks like the only way out of these terrible new circumstances is to accept M's offer to become her account manager. Problem is, I've already dubbed her the meanest co-worker ever.

Any thoughts on how to deal with a six foot five, 40+ year old, sales genius blow hard would be greatly appreciated.

My Pod Is Choking Me To Death

The funny thing about the above cartoon, is not management's ineptitude, but the fact that the cube dwellers depicted have nothing on my dreaded pod at work.

Let me start by saying, I love my job. I work for a company that allows a lot of crap from our team as long as the mission is accomplished. I'm in a line of work that stimulates my brain, and my co-workers are usually really cool.

However, management had the bright idea about 4 months ago to take down our high walled cubes and put us in pods. Of course this idea was to "build team spirit" and "improve efficiency." Translate that to mean "stop the workforce from looking at porn and be able to track their every move."

We went from having cubes that had walls tall enough that you had to stand up to talk to a coworker to a literal pod of desks that have no walls at all.

I'm in a square of desks that has one entrance/exit. If me and my three podmates all rolled our chairs back 3 feet at the same time, we'd all hit each other. I'm what people typically classify as a big and tall man, except I'm not tall. I need room for God's sake!

The other cool thing is that since we have no walls or sound barriers, if more than one person is on the phone, it sounds like an Indian call center. Really efficient way to run a sales floor!

Thankfully, our new ceo is going to install dividers along the pod perimeters to give us some semblance of noise control. Now I'm just worried that the pod will take on the look and feel of a zoo enclosure.

Remember, whatever you do, DON'T feed the monkeys!

My Mean Co-Worker Is Trying to Make Me a Woman

As I've discussed, I work with the meanest co-worker ever.

M. and I have come to an understanding. I know she's mean, she knows I know and that's that.

However, the other day M. crossed the line.

We were discussing work stuff. "Yeah that graph looks good. Yep I think that's a good strategy. She said what? He did what?, Etc." Then it happened. M. told me how good the Lean Cuisine meals where and said, "Which good for you frozen meals are your favorite?"

Without thinking, I started to answer. I then said, "This is a conversation you should be having with one of your lady co-workers." I'm a big, burly guy...I can't be seen or heard discussing whether I like Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice meals better.

The scary thing is that M. first got me singing Milli Vanilli and now this. Is she a witch. Is their bad hoo-doo at work here? I better watch my back!

I have the meanest co-worker ever

I'm sure you've read blogs before that describe terrible coworkers and what these folks do to make everyone's life miserable in the office. I have a story that tops them all.



I'm transitioning at my job from a sales role to more of an account management role. The woman training me is the best, or so I thought. M. is cruel to the core. Why you ask? Here's why...

That's right folks, Milli freakin' Vanilli. M. thought it would be hilarious to make everyone in the office sing one of the worst songs ever thought of. She would play the song from her little music phone, and damn if it didn't work. I can't stop singing, humming, and/or thinking about this terrible collection of notes.

Damn, you M. Damn you! I feel a Banana Phone bomb in your near future!