I've done it so many times I can't count.Let me be clear, this isn't a post to condemn. It's meant to be a post to make you stop just for a sec and think about the weight your words have. My son, pictured above, is getting ready to enter Kindergarten in a few short months. How long will it be before the kids aren't as nice to him as they are now? How long before he's called a retard behind his back or to his face all because he walks with crutches and is different than his peers?
The Special Olympics of Virginia kicks off their summer games tonight. They also have an awesome iniative that is creating awareness about the "R" Word.
Please click here to give to go to my personalize Special Olympics donation page. I've committed to raising $100 for them. Help me out here Internets...please.
Feel free to also leave comments on your thoughts about the use of "retard" and whether you think it's offensive.
15 comments:
It's not the word that is offensive, it is the intent behind it. Retard or retarded was the 'normal' word for years and only became offensive when it became a school yard taunt. Would you call someone who epileptic 'spastic'? No because it has become a slur of sorts. In England, however, it never became a slur and is commonly used to describe an epileptic. Words don't hurt, it's the people and the idea that they are trying to articulate. The hard part is that in this I won't blame the child who called someone a name. I would blame the parent for not teaching them how to treat EVERYONE with respect.
Good luck with this. I am sure it will be a challenge.
I agree with everything you wrote except, "Words don't hurt." Yes they do.
This awareness campaign by the Special Olympics isn't aimed at children but teens and up.
It's all kind of looped into calling people gay, along with other words. I've toned down the use of both words, but still use them. I stand firm in the defense that I don't mean it "in that way." (Plus, I've got gay friends who call people gay in a non-homosexual connotation).
Not to pick nits but....
If I'm cooking bread and say I am going to 'retard the rise'. Have I said something offensive? No.
If I use it to describe someone my intent changes and it becomes offensive. It's not the word it's what you are trying to imply.
Cute kid, BTW. :)
You could also say that this is similar to the use of the "N" word. The point is this...the word is hurtful to people with intellectual disabilities AND their families. Would it really be that hard to find another word to use? Nope. Am I here to try and tell you how to live? Nope. Just pointing out some facts.
I think it also works in the other way. The person who says 'shoot' means exactly the same as the person who says 's**t' (not my playground here so I will edit). The words may be different but the intent is the same.
Bottom line - watch what you say and what you teach your kids to say. Your 'joke' may hurt someone when repeated by the next generation.
The sad part is people (and their kids) make assumptions. You said your child has physical challenges but I don't see that you said he has mental challenges. Having crutches shouldn't impact how people perceive your intelligence just like you shouldn't assume some jock can read... (LOOK - words used badly on my part...) :)
C. does have mental challenges. In our recent elgibilty meeting for kindergarten, he was labeled "mildly mentally retarded." Now that's a tough pill to swallow even though the word is being used completely in a clinical sense.
I do pretty much agree with your assesment, however.
Sorry, that is a tough challenge. I guess at least he received the 'mild' rating. 3 of my 4 parents were teachers and all of them hated rating kids at such a young age. Some just need more time or had some sort of learning difficulty. Over time many of these kids excelled as they found techniques that worked for them or teachers that lit a 'spark' in them.
Some have gone far. Just look at our current president.... (joking...) ;)
If your ever out and about during the week this summer you should swing by my store with him. Finn always loves it when other kids visit.
Since having kids and having to live up to my examples, I've tempered my casual speach a great deal. I used the word "retarded" as in "That's retarded" until a co-worker with an autistic child put me in my place. I would have never used the word towards any person but putting the word "out there" and making it part of accepted speech was the offensive part.
My son started school two years ago with two children in his class that needed assistants and extra help in class. My son never thought of the two boys as different in any way. He played and shared with them because they were part of his class. And from my observations, the rest of the class treated them as equals. This year he has special kids in his class and again, not treated any differently except they break from class for individual help from specialty teachers. Maybe these instances are the exception but perhaps our observations of childhood cruelties have helped us create unbiased eyes in our children. I like to be optimistic.
C. will be attending a regular kindergarten class with a break out time with special ed teachers. He's doing really well.
I think you hit the nail directly on the head. I sometimes even have the word "retarded" slip out, but I never knew how hurtful it could be until C. came into our lives.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Glag you're finally trying to phase out "gay" and "retarded." I never thought you would...despite all my scolding. Think about what you really mean when you use those two words and then use the right words!
As always "Anonymous" you're right. I should've listened long ago.
Hey Chris -- Long Time...
Thanks for this post. Your absolutely right on!!!
I tell you - I would do college again in a minute -- some of my best friends and some good times were had then. But Elementary and Middle School -- you couldn't pay me enough money to go through that again.
Looks like a great little dude. My own son has his share of stuff to set him apart from his peers. Things to cause other kids to see him as "different" & thus, a target. It will be of infinite help for your little dude to simply, know who he is in your eyes. He is in for some hurt but we all are. Knowing [both] his heavenly & earthly dads see him as the most completely awesome little dude, on the planet will be part of where he stands when any junk gets thrown his way by others. Bless you all, man. - tim
Tim,
Thanks for stopping by. Your comments are straight to the heart of the matter. C. will always know how much I love him.
I look forward to reading your blog an learning more about your son.
Post a Comment